Lessons in Personalizing

How do we support our students and staff when they tend to personalize much of what is said to them? When I figure it out, I will let you know! Okay, but in all seriousness, I think this is an issue I am seeing more with both student’s and teachers, and I am no stranger to feeling that way too. I know much of my responses and feelings stem from the paradigm I was born into and subsequently grew up in. After reading Bob Proctor’s book, Change your paradigm, change your life, I began looking at every response and every thought that naturally came to mind. I reflected on my responses and reactions, as well as the roots of my natural inclinations.

What I found was my existing paradigm is false- what I tell myself, how I interpret my value, how I gauge success, and what I am capable of achieving. Proctor’s book called attention to what we think of ourselves and how that narrative could be prohibiting our attitudes and potential. In going through this book, I realized that I was personalizing almost everything I experienced. Everything that went wrong was my fault; I would be embarrassed because I felt like I dropped the ball when in fact it had nothing to do with me. Sometimes we will make mistakes and some interactions will most certainly be personal, but that doesn’t mean we have to internalize it, and let it get into our subconscious to cause us to doubt who we are or what we are capable of. As a Christian educator, this rang so true in what scripture tells us about how God loves us: completely- flaws and all. I take heart from this in many ways, but a primary take-away is to separate facts from feelings.

View each trial, problem, or controversary with an attitude that separates you personally, while calling out the good that could actually come from it. In Proctor’s book, he shares an example of someone whose response to problems was, “this is good”. I have applied this in so many situations and it instantly reframed my attitude and thinking. Insecurities, broken paradigms, and what people think of you have no bearing on your capabilities. If you have not read Proctor’s work, I highly recommend it!